This story is part of The Wall of Wombs, our 2024 exhibition sharing honest, deeply personal journeys of motherhood.
What you’re reading is a direct transcription of a spoken story — shared bravely, in the speaker’s own words.
Listen to this story and explore others at wallofwombs.com.
My pregnancy has been quite straightforward, I think, luckily.
I felt pregnant quite quickly after we started trying. Throughout my whole pregnancy, I have been small. But I feel huge. So I think at different stages in my pregnancy I’ve had mixed feelings about, like if I go to the shops and people will ask me about pregnancy and I think people are so happy to make unsolicited comments. Without knowing the impact of what their words are.
It’d be nice to see a baby come out. Just go, you’re just the perfect size, or whatever. I’m really proud of just what my body can do. I think I’ve always felt quite weak or just not very special in any kind of way like with my body and pregnancy has been really interesting. It’s amazing how much our bodies can change and adapt to grow this little person and still keep us functioning. It’s just really weird and beautiful what it can do. And I’m really proud of it. Like our bodies don’t need to be perfected by anyone else’s standards. We don’t need to look a certain way, but we just be ourselves.
It’s been a little bit tricky with work. So I work as a junior doctor, working in a public hospital and I think for me, the biggest thing that I’ve been thinking about, in terms of being pregnant, becoming a mum, is, I’ve got these conflicting ideas in my head. I think from my medical training, and from what I’ve seen from, like I’ve seen lots of other women birth babies, and the crazy ways that that can go. And there’s just all these different conflicting models or advice that we’re trying to grapple with I suppose.
I really like the idea of just really as natural as things should be. But then from my medical side of things, it’s just always, “Oh, the midwives and the doctors and everyone’s there and everyone’s intervening and everyone wants to touch mum and touch baby” and it’s been hard to figure out when that’s appropriate, when that’s not.
I’ve hired a private midwife. She’s a local in the mountains where I’m from. And it’s really lovely having the opportunity to meet with her regularly throughout the pregnancy. Rather than going to a hospital and seeing somebody different every few weeks and not having any relationship. It’s been really lovely to get to know her.
Like, you can trust people when you’re that vulnerable and in pain and whatever’s happening. I’m really happy that I made that decision. And hoping to do a home birth, if all goes well.
I think it’ll be a really empowering experience. And I think it’ll be really good for me as a professional as well. To be like, “oh, this is so doable. This is what our bodies are meant to do.” And pass that on to other people as well.