This story is part of The Wall of Wombs, our 2024 exhibition sharing honest, deeply personal journeys of motherhood.
What you’re reading is a direct transcription of a spoken story — shared bravely, in the speaker’s own words.
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I’m currently 34 weeks with DCDA twin boys in my belly. I’ve been finding the pregnancy fairly easy up until this point, up until the third trimester. I think that’s when it’s really taken a bit of a different turn, like I’m really tired, I’m really sore and swollen. I think I’m more thinking of the postpartum. As well, more than anything, than I did before.
My first pregnancy, obviously I was quite young and it was a very big shock, and to be completely honest, I didn’t want to have the baby. I was already too far along. I found out when I was 20 weeks already. Yeah, so it was a massive shock. I don’t think I ever really dealt with that emotionally though, probably up until a few years ago. Just I think about the loss of youth. The loss of just being in my 20s and having no responsibilities. The actual pregnancy back then, when I was 21, was fine. It went really quickly. The birth was really good. I think it’s different this time, obviously, with twins. It’s very different. And I guess I’m in a different mindset. I’m feeling nervous.
When we found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. And then at six weeks, they were like, “Oh, we can see two heartbeats.” I was like, okay. Going from, I think it’s just, the shift in, like, how my life will change. I have an almost 11-year-old. He’s very independent, He’s very chilled, but he’s an angel, but it’s going from it’s basically becoming a new mum, all over again. I think I’ll be a different mother. I mean, I don’t know, hopefully this doesn’t sound bad, but hopefully I’m going to be a different mother. I think back then, because I was so young and just quite naive and I didn’t have a lot of life experience, I think I was very impatient. I didn’t really take everything in and now he’s almost 11 and he’s doing his own thing and I’m thinking, you know, it’s going to be that soon more or less.
I think it’s prepared me in a way. Because I found out so early, I found out at five weeks that I was pregnant. It’s been really different this time. I’ve been able to lean on my friends, lean on my family. Whereas I didn’t get that when I was quite young. I think we’re meant to be super super grateful that we’ve gotten pregnant and no doubt that I am like I’m so grateful but I think it’s okay to not enjoy being pregnant like I find myself comparing myself to other people that love being pregnant and I just don’t. And I think it’s asking for some time to yourself as well as much as it’s just the pregnancy’s about the babies, it’s definitely about the mum as well, mums need time as much as anyone else. Especially when the babies come, they’re at the forefront of everyone’s mind and I think the mum just sort of gets pushed aside, unfortunately.
I think I haven’t. Even with my first pregnancy I didn’t really celebrate my body. I didn’t show any photos. I didn’t do anything like that. One, it happened so quickly. But I think two, it was such a shock that I wasn’t really interested in honouring my body. Or I wasn’t super, super happy about being pregnant, that young. This time around, I think, the people surrounding you are always like, you look really good, and they sort of build you up. And the fact that my body’s been able to grow two humans at the same time, it’s crazy. I’m excited that they’re literally going to have a best mate. I think that’s the one thing my son didn’t have, like he was an only child for 10 years.
So, I’m really excited that they’re going to have a friend from birth and they’re going to grow up together, which is lovely.