Whilst there is no ‘right’ way to grieve, there are gentle ways to support yourself through this time, such as honouring your baby, seeking support, looking after your body, expressing your emotions, and giving yourself grace.
Things that you can do to navigate this time with more ease.
Grief is our way of expressing profound loss, and the loss of your baby will have lifelong impacts for you and your family.
Our grief can be experienced in many ways – through our emotional expression, thoughts, behaviours and actions – and this can impact upon how we interact with others and move into our “new normal”. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and allowing yourself time to grieve in the way that works best for you is important for your long term psychological and emotional wellbeing.
GRIEF IS UNIQUE, BUT SOME FIND COMFORT IN UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENT WAYS IN WHICH WE PROCESS LOSS. TWO PERSPECTIVES THAT MAY HELP INCLUDE:
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The Dual Process Model
This is where we recognise that people can move between two states of being – the first being loss oriented, where you want to talk about what has happened, feel the grief deeply and find it hard to move through the day. The second is restoration oriented, where you will focus on activities of the day, present and future focused. This model suggests that we move between these two states as we move through our grief, acknowledging that we need both to be able to process our grief in a healthy and adaptive way. -
The Growing Around Grief Model
This model recognises that the grief we experience after loss doesn’t shrink as time moves on, instead our lives grow around the grief and allow us to process our loss without worrying that our grief will go away.
Both of these models help reassure us that although our grief is all consuming in the beginning, we will be able to move through and process our grief while creating our new sense of normal in our lives. It will never truly be forgotten, and there is comfort in knowing that your baby will always be a part of you, and a part of your family.
Coping with grief is unique to you and there have been many things that people have found helpful in this space, some include:
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Reaching out friends and family and accessing community support
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Linking in with support groups, and talking with those who have been through a similar experience
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Engaging in memory making activities such as journaling, art, scrap booking, photography, music
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Focusing on your physical health through exercise, good sleeping and eating routines
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Reaching out for support through health professionals such as counsellors, psychologists etc
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Having a strong routine throughout the day, with a good balance of social interactions and time to yourself for reflection and space.
We understand that our grief surrounding pregnancy & baby loss is lifelong.
Your baby is a part of your family story, and it is important that their life is remembered and acknowledged. As time goes past, our grief integrates into our lives and we find ways to embrace the joy again; however, there will be times where your grief will be closer to the surface, and times such as anniversaries, birthdays/special dates, times of transition, will trigger our experiences of grief.
THESE TIMES CAN ALSO BE HAPPY MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE – MOVING HOUSE, BECOMING PREGNANT AGAIN, CHANGING JOBS.
When these times arise, be kind to yourself and talk with your supports – friends, family, GP, counsellor, remembering all the ways that you can look after yourself and move through your thoughts and feelings in a way that supports you.
THE WINDOW OF TOLERANCE
After pregnancy and baby loss, the nervous system can become overwhelmed, making it harder to feel grounded and cope with daily life.
The Window of Tolerance is the state where a person can process emotions and respond to stress in a balanced way.
Grief, hormonal changes, and trauma can push someone outside this window—into Hyperarousal (feeling anxious, restless, or on edge) or Hypoarousal (feeling numb, disconnected, or deeply fatigued).
Gently supporting the nervous system through rest, compassionate self-care, connection with loved ones, and calming practices like breathwork or grounding exercises can help expand this window over time, fostering emotional resilience and healing.
Developed by Bare Mum in collaboration with Red Nose Australia.
