When a stillbirth has been confirmed by an ultrasound and health professional, the parents will speak with their treating doctors about their decision for labour.
Some questions that parents may be considering include:
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Do I wait for labour to begin naturally, knowing that this may take some time?
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Do I have my labour induced using medications?
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Do I have surgery to deliver my baby?
This is a very personal decision and one that is made in collaboration with the parents and their treating doctors. We encourage parents to communicate with those involved in their hospital stay about what is important to them, especially around the care provided to their baby. It is important that the conversations you have are focused on how you want to spend time with your baby, including discussions around cuddle cots, bathing etc.
Telling family and friends
Telling family and friends about the death of your baby is very hard and although it might seem too difficult to contemplate, inviting your close family and friends in to see you and your baby is often a good idea. It can make it easier for family and friends to understand your grief and pain as it makes the baby real to them, too. It can also help to have people to remember your baby in the coming years. For some families, though, this is an intensely private time. You do not have to have visitors and speak to others if you don’t want to.
If you have other children, it is strongly encouraged that you let them meet their baby brother or sister too. They need to be able to see and ask questions and it will help them understand what has happened so they can begin to grieve.
Seeing your baby
In many instances there will be the opportunity for you to see and hold your baby. You may also be able to dress and bathe your baby. Your medical staff will ask if you would like to see your child if this is possible. If you are unsure about whether you wish to see your baby or worried about what your baby may look like you can ask your midwife to describe how your baby looks first, or ask to look at his or her hands and feet first. If you decide not to see your baby, you can ask for photos to be taken so you can look into the future when you feel ready. Whilst it might not feel right to do it now, most bereaved families tell us that at some point they want to see their baby so having the photos may be important in the future. Other options include:
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The nursing staff can organise for hand and footprints to be taken, and these can be used for jewellery, artwork etc.
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You can ask for a lock of hair to be given to you
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You can choose the clothing you would like your baby dressed in while they are in the hospital
Other steps you may need to consider:
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You will need to register the birth and death of your baby, and the hospital staff will be able to assist in this process.
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You may be entitled to either the 18 weeks of paid parental leave or to the stillborn baby payment. It is worthwhile contacting Centrelink to determine your eligibility.
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There will be funeral arrangements for your baby’s memorial, cremation or burial, and it will be important to gain support from your family or close friends to organise the funeral. The hospital staff will also be able to assist you with this.
Developed by Bare Mum in collaboration with Red Nose Australia.
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